Ms. Howard writes an advice column, published in daily newspapers and on Yahoo!. This morning, one of the people wanting advice was a woman who is in a happy polyamorous relationship.
Poor woman should have know better than to ask advice from a mainstreamer stuck in the middle of last millenium.
Kind of Like Unofficial Polygamy
Margo HowardThu Nov 1,
2:00 AM ET
DEAR MARGO: I am a very happily married woman with a problem:
well-intentioned friends and family. My husband and I are polyamorous and not
ashamed of it. We have wonderful girlfriends who are special and a part of our
family. The problem is that people assume we are on the verge of divorce, etc.
Other than an indelicate "Butt out," is there any way to get them to see that we
are really happy and stable? We've been married for five years.
(For square readers like me who might need a trip to the dictionary, I will save you some time. "Polyamorous" is the name for multiple sexual relationships within marriage -- in this case involving both spouses.)
Maybe Margo should have gone to a dictionary....or better yet, found the alt.polyamory FAQ which has a more descriptive defintion of poly:
Polyamory means "loving more than one". This love may be sexual,
emotional, spiritual, or any combination thereof, according to the desires and
agreements of the individuals involved, but you needn't wear yourself out trying
to figure out ways to fit fondness for apple pie, or filial piety, or a passion
for the Saint Paul Saints baseball club into it. "Polyamorous" is also used as a
descriptive term by people who are open to more than one relationship even if
they are not currently involved in more than one. (Heck, some are involved in
less than one.) Some people think the definition is a bit loose, but it's got to
be fairly roomy to fit the wide range of poly arrangements out there.
Anyway, Ms Howard con-TIN-uuuues........
DEAR HAP: You may not be ashamed of it, but you have to know that this
arrangement would strike most people as being somewhere between odd and morally
wrong, it being quite far from the norm. I am not sure why you felt the need to
breeze it around that you and your husband have "wonderful girlfriends."
Because you have, however, essentially invited people to "butt in," you are
a little bit stuck in terms of asking them to butt out. I guess the only way to
prove yourselves happy and stable is for you two to continue to thrive with
your, uh, wonderful girlfriends.
--- MARGO, BEWILDEREDLY
DEAR BELWILDERED: Thanks for the backhanded salute to these nice people who have found a way to be happy outside of the constricted norms of society. My concern is that they thought they were speaking with someone with an open mind and heart, not someone who seem quick t o judge but held back because they seem...parish the thought....happy.
How many people in traditional relationships can truly say they are happy? Considering that the divorce rate in this country continutes to hover around 50%, one would think not.
Maybe, Ms. Howard, you should check out your facts before judgment, and truly wish these folks well...without the sneer.